I cant stop thinking about you.

slow and long.

Yesterday I woke up by Julie coming in and out of my room. I eventually got ready for the day and hung out with Jackie and Tom. We went to their friend Eric's house and then went downtown. We weren't downtown that long, but it was really nice out yesterday so it wasn't that bad. Julie was really tired, so we gave her a ride home. We all decided to pick up Joe in North Branford, literally the middle of no where. Jackie's car almost didn't make it up the dirt driveway. Yeahhhhhhhhh. Once we dropped Julie off, there was a lot of pointless driving going on throughout the day. We went to Lenny's after that and tried to figure out what we should do that night. Jackie and I ended up giving Eric a ride home in New Haven, and Kyle, Bruder, Andy and Babyluth were at the edgewood skatepark. So we went there to kill time since it was right down the street. We didn't really do anything there, but watch them skate. Once Jackie got the phone call, we were on our way back to North Branford for some more adventures. Not really though, haha. We went to this boy Kyle's house, and I didn't really know most of the people there besides the ones from East Haven. I got a little drunk, played beer pong, Pwned. I ended up coming home really late that night, my mom wasn't too happy about that. I don't think she's mad at me anymore though. I'm glad she's not. I hate when my mom is mad at me. We talked today about our tattoo and she can't make up her mind, shes paying $20 to get her grandmothers chinese name translated so maybe we'll get that. I'm not trying to rush her into deciding, because I want my first tattoo to be important, and mean something. I really hope I end up doing something tonight, it will suck if I'm stuck here all day. Hayleigh might come over actually. I hope she does. I'm really bored. It's taking me so long to finish this post, but I feel like I need to say something else. I'm going to hang out with Jim tomorrow =). It feels like I havn't seen him in so long, but I really saw him a few days ago. I'm sappy.

rainy dayssz

I went to school on Monday, didn't really do much that day after school. I wish I hung out with Julie and Jackie but they thought I was with Jim so I stayed home alone that day. Yesterday I hung out with Jim all day basically, it was rainy out but it didn't matter. I met his room mate, and a bunch of his friends. We watched a bunch of episodes of Dextor, I really like that show now. I'm almost convinced to buy the first season.. not really. I wish I payed more attention to the 3rd and 4th episode. We were playing uno. Anyway, I had fun. I just read the latest arguments on the CT punx group. I always get entertained reading that stuff, and its always fun watching your ex make a fool out of himself. I don't know why he just won't give in and apologize for being a jerk. I don't mind though, its fun reading. Summer is getting closer everyday, I don't want to be single anymore.

its a nice day

Today I went into school late, and I stayed the whole day and it went by pretty fast. I don't really have anything to complain about right now. I doubt I'm going tomorrow though. I'm so tired, I might just go take a nap. I went to bed pretty late last night. I have no plans for the rest of the day so I'll probably end up doing nothing anyway. I'm booredddddd.

what do you notice wrong about that picture?

it's right next to the water fountain on main street in east haven near stop and shop.

They spelled family wrong.

only in East Haven..

glazed donuts

Dirtbikes are gay.
speaking of gay, I hate living next to the airport.
It makes my radio/cd player pick up weird noises all the time.
I don't like it..

this past week

What am I doing. This weekend was okay.. Not really like I had expected it to be though. I don't know why I thought it was going to be something amazing. I only went to school once last week, yeah I regret that.. I don't know if I would have been happier if I went more but I didn't really leave my house much at all. I haven't really been up to anything. I haven't been sad or anything out of the ordinary. I just haven't really done, anything. I can't explain how it feels to wake up and do nothing for so long. I want to do something, but there's nothing to do. On Friday I sat around most of the day, Tara came over and we hung out for a couple hours. Most of the day I was just in a sort of, hatred feeling for everything because most of the people I knew were at prom. And nothing I could do could change the fact that I couldn't go, and that everyone was going to be talking about it no matter what. I have accepted this. Brandon, Kyle, and Leo came over for a little bit. We didn't do anything. They left and Brandon stayed. There was nothing to really do at my house, we made pizza, watched a movie. It was raining. And all I could think about, was how much I wanted to wear my dress that night. And go to prom just like everyone else. And be with my friends. And go out and party after. It wont even matter if I go to prom next year, because most of my friends are going away to college, or whatever. Most people say that it's nothing really special, and that it's a waste of money. Those are also the same people that go to prom anyway. But I'll never know what its like at all. And I'm leaving Sound this year. All I wanted was to go. I'm kind of relieved that it's all over now though. I got to hear about it all last night too. I'm glad everyone had fun though. I can't believe it's already almost the end of May, it's been raining almost everyday and to honest, this weather is really shitty. Enough of this though, I had fun last night. I woke up kind of early, my dad told me that it was Friday and that I needed to get up for school and I said, no its Saturday. Hahah, that went back and forth for a while. Then my dad said, I'm goin to the pig roast in an hour, so I got up and was ready in 15 minutes. I love going to lake quassy, even though most of the rides are lame, and everyone there sucks, and its mostly white trash. I always have fun when I go. So I went there for a few hours and hung out with my niece. Then we came home, I got ready to hang out with everyone. And my friend Keven walked to my house from the center, and came over for a little bit. I felt bad because I had already made plans with people and I only got to see him for a little bit. I haven't seen him in over a year because he moved to California. Anyways.. I let him borrow a bike because his house is so far away and he had already done so much walking. I made him a sand which too. He met Kyle, Andy, Brandon, and Dan. They came over too. When we were in my room, Kyle and Brandon were talking and then Brandon runs out of my house runs across the street and dives into my neighbors bush. I had no idea what was going on. He comes back into my house and throws a baby bird on my bed. A small innocent baby bird. I was so pissed. I still can't believe he would do that, because even if he returned the bird its parents would probably kill it because Brandon touched it. He went outside and killed it. I don't even know why I'm writing about this. When we were outside, everyone was on the trampoline, and Brandon climbed my tree and was about to jump off really high onto the trampoline for a while, it was really exciting. He never did. He got a bunch of baby bird eggs though. What the hell is wrong with this kid. I didn't even know he did this until we went inside, he put one in my moms fish tank. And he threw the rest of them in the road. I was pretty upset. No I wasn't. It's fucked up I guess. It took us so long to figure out something to do, and there was a lot of pointless driving. We went to Kyle's house for a little bit. Me Kyle and Andy went to Kennedy fried chicken and I bought Newport's and a game. They didn't card me =). We all ended up at stop and Shop, Dan picked up babyluth, Jackie met us at stop and shop. And I was in Andy's car, Kyle stole it for a little bit in the parking lot, but that happens almost every time I'm with them. We were all on our way to the trolley tracks, everything was all planned out. Then the rain started coming down. Jackie realized she had a free house so I go with Jackie, and Dan and Andy follow us to Jackie's house in their cars. It was pretty funny. There's not really much else to say about the rest of the night. Or that I can remember. I didn't wanna go home at all because I was so drunk but I had no where else to say. So I did anyway.. Holy shit it sucked so bad. When I went inside I had to go right upstairs and completely avoid my dad. I took a shower and when I got out I was still really messed up. I ended up going right to sleep. I didn't wanna sleep because I was waiting for Jim to call me back but I had nothing else to do so I figured I would just wake up and talk to him when he called. I hardly remember what happened, but I bet I sounded like a retard on the phone. I hope he doesn't think I'm dumb, hahaha. Today I woke up and hung out with my family and did nothing. I'm okay with this.

stupid heritage gay

So today is the last heritage day again. I didn't go to school because I thought it would be cool to say that I never attended any of them. Um. I have no idea what I'm doing today and I'm already bored. It's like 70 degrees outside and I definitely don't wanna stay here. Someone should really hang out with me. I was suppose to hang out with Jim but he cant chill anymore so I guess I'm stuck here until further notice. I'll probably find something to do..

happy birthday julie

yesterday didn't end up being a complete waste, well a little. I hung out with my family and had cake at Julie's house with her family and hung out there for a little and made my mom a mothers day card. COOl. At least I didn't hang out at my house all day. I went to sleep pretty late, but I didn't think it would effect me this morning. My mom hardly even tried to wake me up, so whatever. I'm suppose to hang out with Jim today in a little bit. That will be cool. I should go shower and get ready and eat and stuff. The past 3 days have been so nice, I don't even care that its gonna rain all day today. I'm not depressed.

sooo

So, I know this might not be anyones business, but who cares. I'll keep you updated anyway! As you all know, my sister's laptop got stolen by Robert Dirienzo and Dorothy Moore. She drove him to my house when no body was home, and he broke into my house, and stole my sisters laptop. Rob had also been threatening me recently, because 2 weeks later we all found out that, in fact, he did steal it. He's mad he got caught and that's all. So you think he would lay low for a while right? No. He threatens me. Back to the point.. Last night the cops came to my house and asked my family all these questions and stuff, and Rob gets arrested. Him and Dorothy however are professional liars. It's what they do. They're used to lying because all they do is steal from people and rip people off, so they're pretty used to it. They told the cops that I sold the laptop to Rob for $50 then he sold it to Brain for $100. WHAT THE FUCK. If I sold it to Rob, which I wouldn't, why would I frame him for it? NO NO NO, it gets better. After I STOLE my sisters laptop and SOLD IT, apparently Rob says, I spent the money to buy CRACKKKKK. Unlike you, I don't steal. I don't steal from my family and friends. That is the difference between me and you. And I don't smoke crack like you.

delightful

Today was so cool. I just disregarded everything that made me upset and had fun anyway. I went downtown with Hayleigh for a little bit and we met up with Jackie and walked around for a while and it was neat. We met up with Julie and Dan later on and we all hung out and Julie's birthday was today so that was cool. It was so nice out all day too. Nothing really went wrong all day. LOL, when we were on our way to krawzers, Julie put my hands together and Dan started taping my hands together with electric tape and he used so much of it both my hands were completely shut with tape, and then they locked me out of the car <3 Jackie went inside the store and Julie stole Jackies car because she takes everyones car. I sat on her car and Julie drove with me on it. I'm surprised the cops didn't come, oh well. I hope I do something nice tomorrow too.

THEIF

I knew it was true. I can't believe I was right! I can't believe my own family would steal from me. Everyone knew it but seriously, I wasn't sure if you would actually go that low and steal my sisters laptop, not that it surprises me because you steal from anyone imaginable.. My family let you live with us, and this is how you repay us? Your a waste of fucking life. Your a loser, and all you know how to do is rip people off. I hope your nasty loser girlfriend does have another kid so both your life's are ruined even more.
LOSERS.

cold and early

I woke up like an hour ago for some reason.. I don't know why the time is messed up on this site, but its almost 6am. I only went to school once this week and I didn't leave my house once yesterday. I'm going to go back to sleep for an hour, and hopefully make myself go to school.
When I wake up I want to be in a good mood. Even though I don't feel so good, and, it is raining.

a brighter outlook

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't let so many little things bother me. If I was more nice to people even if they didn't deserve it, and more forgiving. I wonder what it would be like if I didn't get pissed so easily. Then I see other people posting 1,000 myspace bulletins complaining and crying to everyone like their life sucks.. The only reason people do that is for attention, there is no other exception for something like that. Your life doesn't suck, and if it does, no one cares. At least in this journal I can write literally, whatever I want. And if people consider this as me bitching to the world, who cares, you chose to read this. I also hate people that steal. This certainly does go out to a few select people, but for now, I hate everyone in general that steals. Someone that steals from their girlfriend, someone that steals from their family and friends, is a waste of life. Seriously, what do you have to look forward to. At least I'm fucking trying. Everyone lies, some people lie to protect other people, some people lie to protect themselves, and some people lie to make their lives seem more interesting and cool and to get attention. I am not that person. And to acuse me of lying about something so terrible and awful, you should be ashamed of yourself. Your a fat piece of shit loser, that has not one friend. I hate you. You think you know what love is, but when someone lies TO YOU, and steals FROM YOU, and talks shit ABOUT YOU, your pretty much a horrible example of love. Your everything I don't want to be, and from now on I'm going to dedicate my life into becoming NOTHING LIKE YOU.

shit

huh

My mom keeps saying all these awful things and then telling me that I'm interpreting them wrong. I really don't think I am though. I'm really mad that my dad called the cops and that they came here and interigated me. I'm really mad that I woke up just now at 4:00 in the morning because I can't stop caughing. I'm going to go back to sleep because It's gonna suck waking up in a couple hours. My mom is being so unfair. She's telling me that I have to start taking my medication again or she's going to take away my computer privelages. Are you kidding me? That's such a bitch thing to do, and a horrible move. Especially sinse mothers day is on Sunday. She told me that sinse I'm hardly going to school that I need to get a job, yeah I'M TRYING. It's harder than it looks and right now is the worst time to try and get one cuz it's almost summer and everyone else is trying to get one too. I'm trying as hard as I can but all she does is bother me about it. She has no idea.

prom SUCKS

I don't care about your problems, at least you can go to prom. And ha ha ha this goes out to more than one person. I can't go, and nothing is going to change the fact that all my friends are graduating and I'm not. I'll be dropping out and starting adult ed next year. I'm not happy about this, nor do I want to go. I'm doing this to save myself. There's no more room for fucking up anymore. Who stays back three times? I've also come to realize that, the only thing that is going to make me happy is a nice boyfriend. I know I was excited to be single for the summer, but thats not the case. I miss being in a relationship. I miss him. I hate feeling so much remorse for every mistake I made. I wish I could have been a better girlfriend.. Even though I don't really know what I did wrong. Last night my mom wouldn't let me stay out a little bit past my curfuew. Which is dumb, when she doesnt let me out, I just go out anyway and not come home. That hardly ever happens though. It happpend last week.. Thats not the point, I hadnt left all day and she wasn't letting me out and it wasn't even that late. So I go out anyway and John picks me up and my parents don't call for hours. Its almost midnight and still no call, so I go to sleep. I turn my phone off and I just woke up a little while ago. I was planning on going to school but I had no ride and it was a half day anyway. I checked my voicemail and my mom called twice. Her messages were pretty angry but It doesn't matter. My dad called the cops today, and the cop called my cell like an hour ago. What the hell.. I can't believe he did that, I've only been gone for like 12 hours. Are you kidding me? So the cop calls me, and catches me really off gaurd. He asks me where I am and shit and that my dad wanted to know where I was and if I was coming home. I told him I was going home but I wouldn't tell him where I was for obvious reasons. This makes me not want to go home even more.. I have to go at some point today. The cop asks me if I had been taking my medication? What the fuck... No, I havn't. Ive been off it for almost a month now, and it was my own wondeful choice. My mom always made me take them and I just dont want to anymore. But what the fuck does that have to do with the cop.. He doesn't know me, and I'm not crazy. Sometimes I feel like everyone else around me is crazy except for me. Everyone..

bateman

So, batemans last show is today. I love that band, I always did and it sucks that I'll never be able to see them again. And I can't go tonight. It's at the legion in wallingford and I have no money. This really sucks. Anyway, I saw Death threat, crowns of kings, on three and some other bands on friday and it was good. Too much face breaking though, I hate going to shows when I can't even go in the front without getting a bloody nose. It was only like that for crowns of kings and death threat though, which I came there to see for the most part. Whatever. The cops ended up coming to that show, I guess everyone was being too loud or something. Jenna gave me a ride there and Chris gave me a ride back in this huge van, haha. He had some drunk friends in the back and they were being really obnoxious, it was funny though. On saturday I got ready and Andy Kyle and Brandon picked me up and we went to Sound for some reason. What a day... Anyway, Donna's room was open again so we hung out inside the school for a little bit. It was really fun. The cops came though so we left. Tara and Erika met us there. There was nothing to do really so everyone left and I hung out with Tara and Erika and we smoked and then me and Tara were trying to find a packie run for so fucking long. It was horrible. People kept saying that they would and shit then we ended up driving so much eventually Matt Candelora did it for us and we got a 12 pack and drank and smoked yeah what a nice Saturday night. It was awful though because we didn't start drinking until about 10:30 and I had to wake up this morning at like 7. Once I got up my family and I went to west haven for the MS walk and I walked 5 miles. I can't really describe how it went besides basically saying, it SUCKED. When I got home I fell asleep for a little while and woke up at like 3 and called John and hopefully I get to hang out with him today. I really want to. I really want a boyfriend too. I don't care if summer is about to happen, I hate being alone. I hate everything about being single. I hate seeing other people happy together, I hate seeing other people hold hands, I hate having no one to talk to at night, I hate ITTTT. I also hate that every time I get attached to someone that completely abandon me. My past 2 boyfriends are a perfect example and also lame because I just spent almost my entire school year in shitty relationships. IM LONELY.