My mom is being such a bitch right now. Nothing I do ever matters to her or my dad. Nothing I say matters. When I help out, it never gets recognized. Today she woke me up blasting music because I forgot to do one thing. She did it purposely, to wake me up. She didn't think it was a funny thing to do, she did it because she thought it was justified, I should have to wake up because I forgot to do something. On a snowday too. Today I shoveled the back porch, the steps, the entire driveway, and the ramp in front. She didn't say thank you or anything, and just now she told me that I never do anything. She thinks I'm a waste of life because I don't have a job. And that I barely go to school. I go to school everyday. I'm sorry I only have three classes right now because I'm not good at math. We got into another fight just now, you wanna know why? She flipped out on me because I wouldn't make my dad a fucking cheese burger. She was going to teach me, I told her I already knew how. And got mad that I didn't want to do it. My parents do nothing for me but provide food. They make me work for money, which I rarely get anyway. If you're ever at my house you would know this, they never make food. She called me ungratful and that she makes me stuff all the time, when she doesn't. Yeah this is a big deal. It really hurts though when your own mom tells you that you do nothing with your life. Fucking cunt. I have no one to talk to. No one wants to listen to me vent. Or pretend to care. This blog is really the only thing that will listen to what I have to say, and it's the truth.

vinegar

Today is a new, brighter day. I feel better. I hope it stays this way. I'm not depressed, I realize this when I look at things through a different angle. I'm getting better at controlling my emotions. Is that even possible? Anyway. It's snowing outside. It's been snowing since early this morning, from when I went to school, to when I went home. We should of had a snow day. My school system is so stupid and unfair its awful. The semester that just started is really short so our schedule is really tight for days and hours and stuff, that was their excuse, but how should our safety come after our education. We won't be able to learn if we get into car accidents on the road, really. The roads are so bad right now. My poor mom has to come home in her wheelchair and freeze, New Haven didn't get school off either. This isn't even what is really bothering me right now. I really can't handle the people in my school that much longer. Especially in Jean's class, it's supposed to be my favorite class because she is the ONLY teacher I feel can ever be actually qualified to teach. We're reading a book called "Godless". I'm enjoying it. Everyone else in the class has to complain about it. We can't even have a conversation about religion at all because everyone in the class is so fucking close minded and lame they can't respect anyone Else's opinion as I do for them. This really nasty fat girl was making faces at me behind my back when I was trying to talk. Do it to my face you fat slob. It's so hard to try and be nice and ignore things when people will just treat you like shit anyway. I won't let this ruin my day, but that really did bother me. Today a girl got caught sniffing drugs in the bathroom, what the fuck. Nasty. Although I am in a better mood, this week still sucks.

i didnt go to school today

Who cares. Even if i had energy i wouldn't have any motivation to actually get up and go. My happiness is over. My life consists of being ignored and freezing cold weather.

seriously, fuck today

My grandma died earlier today, it's awful. I got to visit her a few days ago, but I wish I got to see her again. She had been in pain for so long, in and out of hospitals and nursing homes. She hasn't been out of a bed in years and hasn't been home in so long. I'm alright. I just wish someone would notice and ask me if I was okay. I have problems of my own too. Fuck today. I was totally not ready for school after this break. Everything sucked. I have no friends at this school. I hate everyone there. I hate my teacher Laura, who I'm blessed to have again for this whole semester. She started yelling and threatening to kick people out less than a minute of being in her class. It's not our faults she couldn't score any drugs for the day. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day. I am not going to wanna wake up tomorrow. Oh gosh

new years

I went out every single day of this winter break. 2009 has been so cool already. I don't feel like explaining everything that happened over the break. Not because its 3a.m, I'm just lazy. I feel like a waste. I need to get something done for myself. I don't know what though. New years me and Jared, Tara and Jackie slept at Pats with Kevin and it was fun I guess, I don't know. Then the 2nd was Jackie's birthday, so we tried to have a surprise party for her at Pats but it just ended up like all of us, minus Jared, and a few others, and I had fun. I got too drunk though. I got really sick. I found out on the 2nd, that afternoon my mom told me she and my dad were going away for the weekend, what the fuck. That night Tara and Jackie slept over but like, today was Saturday. I hung out with Tara most of the day, Jackie left around 2 maybe. Me and Tara smoked and she had to go because she had plans. I came home and took a nap. Charles came over and woke me up around 9. I didn't do anything tonight. You don't understand. I didn't want to have a party or anything, but come on. I did NOTHING. My parents aren't here. They're coming back tomorrow morning. Biggest waste ever. I only meant for this post to be a couple sentences long, whatever. Good night!