im

alrighttt.

maybe

I think I might be okay now. I had a long talk with my sister Vicki last night, I feel enlightened. I'll write more about it later, maybe.

by myself

The only place where I could find comfort and security is poisoned by thoughts of you.

You've taken everything from me.

ugh

I'm having such a hard time. It doesn't help that he wont even talk to me at all and ignores me. He deleted our pictures. I really can't take it.

another

lifeless day.

Nothing has gotten any better. I guess you could say that I had a good day today. I got ready, hung out with my friends all day. But it's still the same thing every night. Lonely. I can't stand every other guy out there. Nothing will change this.

theres no escape

everywhere i go, something stupid reminds me of you. i cant get away from it. all the stupid stuff you wrote on my walls. right above my bed where it says ILY Jared <3 Jessy. On my ceiling. where you wrote jf + jf. im haunted by you everywhere i go. and now, you're taking over my dreams too. i cant even escape you in my sleep.

what a shitty day

i keep forgetting that i don't have school at all this week. whatever, i dont even mind going to school because it keeps my mind off of... things.. for a short amount of time. ive been going out almost everyday, and ive never felt more alone. i dont want to talk to you, or you, or you. i'm tired of condescending assholes, and im so sick of people calling me kid. i need to get out of here. i think i will.

if it wasnt for bad luck

id have no fucking luck at all

I'd like

to take back a few things i said in recent posts. i do have friends. i have people i can talk to. but i know its not going to help me. or change anything. so why even tell people about my problems..

why am i alive right now

each day goes on. nothing is getting any better. i lost everything that mattered. i have no friends. i have people that i hang out with but no friends. no one that i actually want to talk to. no one that wants to listen to my problems. just people that pretend to care because they feel obligated to. i dont know how much longer this is going to work out..

liar

Everything I was happy for in my life was a lie. You promised me that you would never leave me and that we would stay together forever. You promised.

really lame weekend content

Probably the worst weekend of my life. This entire week I've been doing anything I possibly could to get money so I can take a bus up to Uconn to see Jared. Friday comes along.. I've been waiting all week for this. Actually 2 weeks because Jared didn't want to come to my house the week before, because he had a cold. So friday... I get out of school, take the bus downtown, take a bus to Hartford, then go to Storrs. Jared was a jerk the entire weekend, he ignored me when I asked him what was wrong. I felt like such shit. He just kept being mean, after I couldn't be positive about it anymore I just didn't really say anything. I was so sad that he wouldn't talk to me or say goodnight or anything I started crying because I freaked out and didn't know what I did. He had no response whatsoever to this happening. I asked him why he didn't care that I was upset, and he rolled over and tried going back to sleep. I feel like I should have expected this coming because he's been treating me like shit for the past couple months. I cried almost everyday because he wouldn't talk to me. I felt like I was walking on eggshells with everything I said. He constantly made me feel bad. Stupid... Critisizing everything that I do... Correcting everything I said. I tried my hardest to ignore it. Everytime he had a problem with something, I always cared and tried to fix it. I asked him what I could do to be a better girlfriend. He never said he had any problems with how everything was going. I just don't understand how you can say you love someone and treat them like shit. I don't ever want to feel like this again. I don't ever want him to find another girl so he can do this to her too. No one deserves this. I don't deserve this. Last night when I told him I loved him, after an awful day, of him being a jerk, he promised me that he loved me too. And his reasoning this morning: he's too much of a pussy to say what hes feeling. Too much of a pussy to just SAVE MY TIME. So I didn't have to take a 5 hour trip from my house to Uconn, then cry the whole way back by myself. And wait in the cold. And after all this, he tells me he cares about me this morning. Does that make any sense? I didn't understand it either. He broke my heart before. I gave him the ability to destroy me but trusted him not to. I guess I'm the fool for that one. I just know if I ever love someone again, I will stick by them no matter what and I wont be a peice of shit asshole whenever things get tough. Because thats life.