listen

I'm in a really good mood. I can't wait for the weekend.
It can't come fast enough..

you cant even begin to understand

Today I woke up and went to school. I've noticed that every time Laura puts on a movie, I put my head down and go to sleep. Every time I wake up, my leg is still asleep. Not just asleep, but like. Pins and needles. I cant even move it for at least 10 minutes. And this happens every day now. I know what your thinking.. don't sleep in class? But there's nothing to learn from this awful person. I'm not even going to go into detail. She kicked me out of class the other day too. For no reason. No no no, I really didn't do anything. I can admit when I'm fooling around, or trying to piss someone off. I can even admit when I'm wrong, and say sorry to you. But that bitch is crazy, and NOW I haven an absence in her class because there was 10 minutes left when she kicked me out. I can not miss one day between now and October 26th. All of my teachers are completely unreasonable and irrational. Except for Joe. Marc kicked out a stupid for blowing his nose today. And kicked out a girl for asking him why he did that. You can't just get mad for no reason, and kick people out when your having a bad day because you hate your life because you work at adult ed. When someone gets kicked out, it could determine weather they graduate or not. And it doesn't seem fair to me. Anyway. Julie called me a little after I got out of school, and she picked me up and we hung out. We went to stop and shop, than her house and hung out with Devin for a little. I didn't stay there that long. When I got home I dyed my hair. And freaked out because I had no idea how I was going to see Jared this weekend. Charles is lending me some $ for the bus, and I'm going to pay him back with my birthday money next week. He really is a good friend to me, I hope he see's this and calls me to say hi. Anyways, I have been going to bed early every night. It's great, It's only 10:10 right now, and I'm already feeling tired. There's a slight chance I might get mono, because Jared's friend has it. We might all get mono. That would suck?

work4 f00d

Today I went to school. I was very tired this morning, but I got myself up anyway. It's like this everyday though, why can't I just wake up in a good mood, and ready to start the day. At least once. I mean, it's always going to be early. But it would be nice. Just sayin'. School went by fast, as usual. Malcolm X is starting to get really good. I would read it on my own, but everyone in my class is a burnt piece of toast that won't read. My English teacher, Joe, reads aloud. It's not bad, it's just like how my mom did when I was younger. The rest of the classes weren't that bad either. I'm starting to get more and more used to Laura, and how dumb she is. And It's easier for me to get used to it, now knowing, that she is on drugs. I've already accepted the fact that I won't learn anything in her class. And it's okay. When I got home, I was so tired. I tried staying awake and stuff for some reason, even though I didn't have plans. I went to sleep. I had my alarm set for 3:30 but I was way too tired to get up. People kept calling me though, so I eventually woke up somewhere around 4:30 maybe. I had a dream, and well. Nothing's really important besides the end, Julie was calling me in the dream and I was dream talking to her, and her actually calling me woke me up. I think that's crazy. She just got her license, I'm so happy. It's awesome. Anyway, I have no idea what I'm going to do this weekend. I miss Jared, but I'll probably see him next weekend. Hopefully. I can't really recap on anything, because I haven't done much, since last weekend. Which was the best weekenddd ever. The past few weeks of weekends that I spend with Jared, are really what makes me look forward to the next ones I'll spend with him <3. class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">reallyy want to do something. I know there's nothing special about turning 17, but it's only one year away from being 18. All my friends that are 18 don't even seem excited about it like I do. It's so many opportunities. People forget all the things you can do when your 18. Why do I have to live next to an airport? Every one's car alarm is always going off. That sound is really making me go insane. It doesn't stop. And most of the time, it wont stop. Because their car is parked at the airport because they took a PLANE somewhere. Awful. The food was good, but now I'm really stumped for what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. I'll probably fall asleep around 12 or 1 seeing as I just took like a 4 hour nap. But that's normal, I'll probably wake up fine. I'm bored! I wish someone would come over. I wish there was some good shows this weekend. There are some, but I'm not really interesting in any of them. Everyone likes ambitions, or a lot of people I know do. But I never got into them. I never listened to them, and I never went inside when I saw them play. I didn't do this on purpose, I just never did. And their last show is this weekend with Offsides, who is really good. Hostage Calm. And a few other bands, but I don't even care. I have a feeling I'm going to have a really terrible weekend, no no no. I really am.

damn people

This weekend was wonderful. I got to hang out with Jared at his college from Friday to Sunday and I had fun, I like it there. Today I had school and it went by pretty fast. I wish I knew more people at school.

search and destroy

Tomorrow I have school which is going to be easy and fast. After that I'm going downtown to the train station and taking a bus to see Jared. I'm staying until Sunday. But, I don't want to bore you with another entry of how happy I am with everything, so I'm not going to write anything.

so proud

I still feel a little upset about today, but not enough to actually effect my mood. I didn't go to school because as you can see from my previous entry, I didn't get much sleep last night. It's my fault though, I took such a long nap when I got home from school yesterday. I didn't sleep until 5:30 last time, an hour before I'm supposed to wake up. I didn't go to school today, which is probably a wrong move on my part. I really shouldn't have done that. It's okay I guess. I can only miss one more day from now and October 26Th. I really can't afford to lose any credits right now. I think I can do it. Charles stopped by for a few a little while after I woke up and I made breakfast and we just sat around. He left, and around 3 or 4 Julie came over with Stefan and Pat. Stefan and Pat left after like 10 minutes and Julie left less than an hour later. She was tired. I feel exhausted but I wanted to do something today. I didn't do anything yesterday or today. It's not really a bad thing I guess, but I wish I went out. Today and yesterday I did laundry and cleaned. A lot. I just finished up everything, in the past 3 hours. I feel really good about it. I hate having a dirty room. It's almost Friday <3

recap

I don't know what's going on. This summer has been one of the best summers I've ever had. I didn't even get a lot done, nothing too spectacular happened. It was just so simple and good. Even now things are good. I don't even care that I started school. I'm looking forward to Fall. I just feel like everything that I wanted to happen during this summer, did. It takes so much to upset me now. I hope I keep this feeling forever. The only thing I need to focus on, is getting sleep when I'm supposed to. Yesterday when I got home from school I was really tired, so I took a nap around 2. I slept for seven hours. I did so much last night, not sleeping at all. After I talked to Jared I did some laundry, worked out, took a shower, made kyle call me and we talked for an hour about nothing of any importance. We were playing those games on addictinggames.com. The boneless girl game is so fun. I can play it for so long. It's not even a game, what the fuck.

ps

Fall fest was fun. It was canceled the 2nd night because of the tropical storm.

fuck you laura

I hate my history teacher. no no no, I really do. Shes the dumbest person I've ever met in my life. School went by pretty fast today. I was not ready to wake up though. But I'm glad the hard part of the day is over. Now I can relax and think about how soon Friday is and how great my weekend is going to be. I know it's only Monday, but still. I don't even care if I don't do anything today. I feel pretty lazy. My legs hurt from jogging with Jackie. Oh yeah.. we do that now. It probably wont last, but we already went out twice. I've been hangin out with Jackie a lot, She slept over my house twice and I slept at her house in 4 days. I haven't seen Julie since last Monday, or something a really long time ago. I feel like she's so busy lately, maybe we'll hang out Tuesday. I'm tired, I might go to sleep in a little bit.

one size

CAN THINGS GET ANY BETTER?? Yesterday I had school, and it went fine. We're reading Malcolm X in English class. Math is just confusing, and my US history and Civics class aren't that bad. Besides the face that my teacher Laura is really stupid. No no no, she really is a dumb lady. I think she's on drugs. I don't think she has a teaching degree. Civics was my favorite class in high school with Mrs. Gratz, and it's going to suckkk with this lady. I've given her a chance, trust me. She's just a conservative, idiot. Not saying some one's views are wrong, but she has no idea what she's talking about. Anyway, Malcolm X isn't a bad book, its not boring, I just can't get into it. I don't know why. Later on Yesterday, well not really later, the second I got out of school I came home and ate and took the city bus downtown and met up with Kyle and Chris. I watched them skate for a little bit in some spots, then I went into Chanel one for a little and talked to Lou. There was some guy in there that is friends with my brother, he told me to say hey to my brother for him but I forgot his name. Oh well. We went to Kyle's house after that, and drank beers. I can't put it in any different term. We didn't chill outside, we didn't do anything dumb. We just sat in his room and drank beers. Kyle tried teaching us this drinking game because we were a little bored, and all you needed was cups and dice. He couldn't find any dice besides these really little ones. They were the size of like, half my pinkie nail. I don't know why it was so funny because they were so small, but it was. Andy, his friend Bill, Steve and loser Dan came over. It sucks I don't ever wanna hang out with him again. He sucks at everything, and if that means its going to be another year of complete awkwardness then so be it! I don't wanna be around him! I was starting to get really drunk and aware that I didn't have a ride home. It was around 8 and me and Kyle looked up the bus schedule for the stop near his house, I ended up leaving soon after that. Kyle walked me to the bus stop and ran back. I called Jared and was so surprised and happy to talk to him for some reason. It was great. I only waited for probably less than 20 minutes before the bus came. I was real shocked when it did actually come. I got on the bus drunk as hell, I was the only one on it. When I got downtown I was real nervous I don't know why. Maybe because it was late as hell. There was homeless people everywhere, and I didn't have my knife on me. I always do. When I was waiting at my bus stop there was some really creepy people. My bus didn't take very long to come though, again. It was hard seeing outside the bus because of the lights on inside. I got off the bus is some weird mood, and walked home in the rain. When I got home it was basically intervention status, but not really. My parents took the computer mouse away because they were pissed that I haven't been taking my medication. Little do they know, I haven't taken it once in 4 months. I was piss drunk trying to win the argument. I ended up winning times a thousand, and got permission to visit Jared this weekend from my mom. She finally realizes that I'm fine without it. She kept asking me why I couldn't compromise with her and stuff, but she doesn't get it. It's been 4 years and she was never willing to compromise. She never listened to anything I had to say about it. I don't even wanna get into this right now. I was very mad. She didn't even believe that I hadn't taken them for so long. It's true. Today I forgot to set my alarm for school, I ended up waking up 10 minutes after I normally would. I was so scared at that point. I can't miss a day of school. It would hurt my credits so much, I just can't afford it. I can't let something like that happen again where I wake up late. School went fine though, I was really tired some of the time but it always goes by really fast. ALWAYS. I went home and took a really long nap. Well not that long, i slept until 5 when my alarm went off. It's only almost 7 right now. I just got done talking to Madison, I think she's going to give me a ride up to Uconn tomorrow!! We will leave tomorrow and come back on Sunday, her sister goes to Eastern so her sister's boyfriend would give us a ride. I really hope it all works, I'll get out of school, and take the bus to Madison's house. No matter what happens this weekend its going to be great. Fall fest is this weekend, I'm excited, but not too upset that I might have to miss it. It's whatever I guess. I always look forward to it, but things like this haven't really excited me that much this year. Like, the lady of Pompeii carnival. Or St. Bernadette's carnival. I used to die for those, not anymore. Fall fest would be great, but I would miss Jared too much and I'd probably be thinking about him the whole time and I wouldn't even have fun. He left my house Monday.. And it's only Thursday, but think about it. If I can't go this weekend, I'll have to wait until next weekend, that won't be nice. Anyway, enough of this. I'm waiting for Jackie to get out of school at 9:30 then we're hangin out and probably having a sleepover at my house. Captain Morgan is invited too. I want Julie to hang too, I haven't seen her since Sunday morning, we haven't spent this much time apart in a while. I miss her.
LIFE IS SO GOOD.

happy

I've given a lot of thought
on this 13 hour drive
I miss the grinded concrete
where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing
In the glow of our headlights.

I've given a lot of thought
to the nights we used to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast

I faintly remember breathing
on your bedroom floor
Where I laid and told you,
but you swear you loved me more
-boxcar racer

everything is falling into place. My life was great and now you make it so much better, once again. I'm happy I can call you mine. I'm lucky I get to be yours again. I know it will work out for us. Nothing can come between you and me. No distance, I mean it. The past 3 days with you have been the best of my whole summer. I don't know what I would do without you now. My sister left for college on Saturday. I will miss her, no matter what was said or done. I did not go up to Boston to drop her off with my family. I stayed at the house. A few friends came over, there was no party. Jared took the bus up here around 4, and he didn't get here until almost 10. I was so worried and scared something bad was going to happen. Everything ended up alright. We cuddled all day and night and slept amazing. I had so much fun Saturday night. Julie, Devin, Charles, Dan and Jared were at my house. Everyone slept over besides Charles. We played beer pong and smoked blunts and I have such good memories from Saturday night. Sunday morning I cleaned everything, even though there wasn't that much to clean. Everyone left besides Jared. We hung out all day and walked around and no matter what happened I felt so good being together. Even when we weren't doing anything. I mean it. My parents came home a little later on Saturday, but me and Jared were already at Mike's house. We were there almost the whole day, doing nothing really. Kevin, Tom, Chris, Jimmy, Jackie and maybe someone else ended up there. Me and Jared walked home and it wasn't even bad out. I love walking around at night. It was so cool, so we started running because I wanted to and it was fun. My parents were being real assholes, I'm so sorry. I still feel really bad. Not really my mom, but my dad. He wouldn't let Jared sleep over because he's a piece of shit. They said he could sleep outside on the trampoline, which is fun every now and then. It wasn't bad out. But think about it, that's so rude. He doesn't have his car and he lives over an hour away. How could you do that to someone. I'm still mad at them about it, I haven't spoken to him once all day. Me and Jared sat out and talked for hours and it was really comfortable. This morning we woke up a little after 10. I slept pretty good. This morning we hung around for a little, watched some tv. We walked to Zrawzers for cigarettes and walked back.

When we came back to the house, we talked in my room for a little bit. His friend Pat picked him up around 3. I was so sad saying goodbye. The second I get money I'm coming up to visit him. I mean it.