i feel so alone

summer

It hasn't been very hot out this year. I don't really mind it. I don't like when its too hot anyway. The days have been going by slow but it's the middle of July already. It is currently 6:25 in the morning and I just got home. All the doors were locked, I had to go in through the garage. I drove on the highway for the first time tonight. This morning, my mom woke me up, I was really tired but I had to get up because it was family day, and it was already one in the afternoon. Hung out with my family. Bruder came to pick me up around 4, we went to the bank, got some weed, burned some weed, and went to Kyles house. I haven't actually hung out with him besides today, in months. Kyle has a new girlfriend, I guess I'm kind of jealous about it. Not the kind of jealous your thinking of though, its just lame how people forget about friends and stuff. I hate when people close to me drift away. Unless it wasn't worth it to begin with. I have a pretty tight group of friends right now, and I wouldn't trade any of that to ever be friends with Julie again. At least not anytime soon. Jackie has been away in New York at lake george with her family for a few days and it's weird because I usually see her at least every other day. I went to New York, 4 days ago, right after I got my tattoo fixed, (finally). I went with Hunter and Brenden. Hunter is my new friend that I met through this lame kid Matt. Anyway, I got my tattoo done, went to walmart, took some shoes and left my dirty old checkered board vans there. I kind of miss them in a way, only because walmart shoes suck and they were totally uncomftorable after like an hour of walking around in central park. It was kind of funny the way things worked out, Brenden had never even met Hunter before and we all met at walmart and me and Hunter kinda kidnapped him I guess. We wouldn't tell him where we were going it was pretty funny... I got a letter from Jonathan Bowden in the mail, last week. He hated when I called him Jonathan. He said it makes him seem like a little kid. I should write back soon.

single again

I don't have a boyfriend anymore. I don't really mind it, I didn't really know Jonathan that well. We didn't get along and we argued a lot. We had good times, but he wasn't at all on my level. He was trying to grow up too fast and it wasn't working out. Besides, he joined the army and was going to basic training all summer. I didn't even cry when we broke up. Schools almost over. It doesn't feel like summer, it's been really rainy the past couple weeks it seems like. I got out of school an hour ago and I'm waiting for 2:30 to come around so I can go to a job interview at Jersey Mikes. I've been really frustrated lately. I feel like everyone has been so whack. I really want to get out of Connecticut. I haven't been talking to any guys but I want to stay single for a while probably. At least for the summer...

spring

I don't really care for this thing anymore. I mean I do, or else I wouldn't be updating it, but I just don't have the time. And the longer I wait the harder it is to catch up on things. The past 2 weekends have been so out of control and fun. School has been pretty easy. It's nice outside. I've been hanging out with Jackie a lot lately. Tara is finally home from school. Friday night I went to a show with Charles, a bunch of bands played, but the effort was really good. After the show he dropped me off at Jaime's house and Jackie and Kevin and Brian and my boyfriend and Rancid and a few other people were there. We played beer pong and hung out for a while, it was pretty fun. Brian and Jackie got really drunk and me and Jon ended up sleeping at Jackies house that night. We didn't sleep until 5:30 a.m and I was woken up to Jackie opening her window next to her bed from outside telling me to wake up, it was out of control, I'm tellin you. hahaha. I drove Jackie's car Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday night. It was so much fun. It was more fun Saturday night driving with Jackie, Tara, my sister and I picked up her friend Cara. It was so great. I can't replace moments like that. Last weekend I hung out at Jess' house with a bunchhh of people and drank beer and smoked a lot of weed. Saturday night I had like 20 of my friends go to my sisters house/robs house to drink and hang out. Everything about that night was so bizarre. I ended up getting pretty sick. The fun was worth getting kinda sick for a day. Today when I got home from school I hung out with Charles and Chris Neleber came to my house and we went to Sound School because Chris wanted to visit. I shouldn't have gone, because I definitely visit way too much. Whatever though, I went with him because I love going. Charles waited in the car and me and Chris got visitors passes and went to see some of our old friends. Me and Charles decided so stay at Sound to hang out and smoke with Jack and Javar at the marsh. After that we took the bus downtown and went to get some food at Mamouns. After we ate, we started walking to the footlocker bus stop on Chapel street because Charles left his car at my house and Chris left us at Sound. When we were sitting on the bench there was a bunch of crackheads hangin' out as usual, and 2 of the older women started fighting and they were both so weak and slow it was the best thing ever. BUM FIGHTS 09' BABY. It was insane. Then they stop fighting and one walks around the bus stop, then sits down right next to me. Real close. Like, theres no more room on the bench, but she sits anyway. Then asks me to use a phone. I tell her no. Then she starts telling me how shes going to break that bitches neck she swaaahss to god. I asked her what was holding her back from beatin her ass, cuz idk. I wanted to instigate. So she goes back over there and tries fightin her and gets her on the ground and just starts smothering this 80 pound black 41 year old. I know this because a cop came like 5 minutes later and arrested the woman that sat next to me. Haha. As they were getting arrested, a black lady with her son calls another cop demanding to see a new cop finish the arrest because this cop was a "toy cop" and not doing his job or something. Hahaha. The cop told them if they didn't say anything he wouldn't arrest them, then he did anyway hahahahhaa.

wow

It's been almost a full month since my last post.. I don't even remember all the crazy things that happened over the past month, nothing too ridiculous I guess. Things have been pretty okay. Today was the first day back to school since April vacation. Of course we go back on 420, haha, whatever. I actually hadn't been in school for like 15 days because I absence out of school the week before vacation 3 days before the term ended. I didn't do it on purpose, And I was really mad at myself for doing it. All I remember is waking up and the clock was 11 a.m. I guess I turned off my alarms by accident. Anyway, today was my first day back in what felt like a very long time. And I'm totally not used to having all 4 classes. Today went by fairly quickly but it was still lame. Tomorrow is going to suck waking up, I'm not tired and its 1:49 a.m, I shouldnt have taken a nap before. I would have slept through the night but John called me around 11:30 and I woke up so I could talk to him and we ended up talking until like 1. John is my new boyfriend. I like him.

lame

Today was fine, besides Laura. She is out of her mind and was screaming at me today for no reason, not to mention I was sketched out even more because I smoked during break. I didn't do anything wrong, she got mad because I couldn't understand the work, she wasn't explaining it at all. She accused me of cheating, even though I wasn't. Started talking about how pathetic people who cheat are, and she just wouldn't let it go. I told her that she was right, and that I was wrong, and she wouldn't let it rest. I'm going to make a complaint to the school, shes done really fucked up shit to me, but when does this end? I got home and took a nap for a few hours, woke up, watched Dexter... Tried making plans because I don't have school tomorrow, but I'm not even doing anything special. I'm waiting for Jackie and Kevin to pick me up, I don't know what we're going to do, but at least I won't be home. I'm going to Dave's house to hang out with him after, I think. I'll probably sleep there if I go. I'm glad I hung out with him the other night, I missed him. He's one of the first people I started hangin' out with around here and I never lost touch with him. It's finally spring, it doesn't feel like it though. It's getting nicer, but I can't wait for real spring weather. It's almost April.

so cool

Tonight was cool. I got home from school, cleaned my room, watched Dexter with Andy, went to pick Kyle up at Edge of the Woods, went to Steve's house for not that long, then went to Jaime's house and hung out with a bunch of friends, it was great. I had such a good time. I'm a little drunk right now, but that doesn't change anything, I had fun. We took a couple group pictures, that's going to be funny to see. I'm pretty happy it's the weekend. Tomorrow should be good too. Things are alright.


It's funny how my mood changes so fast.

pp in the street

I had a show in my basement Saturday. Hate your guts, stomped on sight, fast, damaged, and this pretty cool band Revenge from Mass. Everything went fine, no one got hurt, nothing got stolen, and it only took like 20 minutes to clean everything. I had fun. The week before that, went to some kegger in Meriden with Charlotte and a few of my friends at Dana's friends house. We were there for less than an hour before the cops came. The next day, my friend Sara came over and we went to the show at the legion to see the kill boys. I don't know what it was, but I had so much fun for no reason haha. I mean, it was a good show, but I was so happy. We went to some party after, it was real sketchy, it was dana's friend of a friend and I don't even know. All I remember was reggaton music, a strobe light, and 3 fat girls jigglin their fat. We were there for less than 20 minutes. Then we went to Tasia's house. I wish we went there first, because I ended up not feeling good really fast, because I was drinking at the show and I didn't even eat that much that day, soo. I made Charles take me and Sara home. I was puking and walking on the way to the car. Not cool. Friday night, the night before the show, Chris and Stefan came over to help me clean. It was fun. Then we went laser tagging with Joey, Chris, Stefan, Charles, Mike and Josh. It was pretty intense. I gotta go do something. No one reads this lol.

9430667236

hey everything, fuck you
i hate everything you do to me
i despise every lie i've come to believe
and i hate every evil thing that i see
this juxtaposition of good and bad
remind me of the best and the worst dreams i've had
i'm either to happy or fucking sad
and i can't keep up with that

im

alrighttt.